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  • Writer's pictureRaveena Kay

It Started When

Updated: Jul 16, 2021

It started when I was 4

My trauma bursting through the door

Then at 5 I got night terrors

But was locked out of my parents chambers

I couldn’t sleep and constantly cried

Behind closed doors so no one could spy

I never knew which mood I would get,

From either of my parents when I was 8

At 9 I wanted to be divine but also leave this world far behind

At 10 I was gaslit, a scapegoat, belittled, and my parents were mean, but I didn’t want to cause a scene

At 13 I didn’t get to be a teen because I had to help take care of my baby sister

At 15 I noticed I had an emotionally vacant mother and an absent father who could not show love for each other

At 16 I noticed my parents used alcohol to numb their pain, and I refused to do the same

At 17 I was sexually assaulted so school then also made me felt discarded

At 18 my parents pushed me to be a doctor because their status would’ve gone to shame

At 19 I got depressed and dropped out of college constantly thinking that I failed myself and was never acknowledged

At 20 I started medications and therapy and began to process some trauma early

At 22 my dad left his family and so I had to be the therapist and make sure people didn’t worry

At 23 I lost my dog, the only family member who knew how to console

At 24 I met a guy who was going to be forever in my life

At 25 times felt great, until I realized my parents hadn't changed

At 26 I got depressed, and didn’t understand because I was taking my meds and still regressed

At 28 I realized

That I never truly processed my trauma because

I didn’t want to






-Raveena Kay

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